Twelve year old me had so much to talk about, but no one to talk to.

During sixth grade, I learned that no matter how therapeutic it may be, not to keep a diary. I grew up sharing a room. At that specific time I was sharing a room with my older sister (14 /15) and my younger sister, (6/7) as well as my younger step sister who was only over on certain days.  

   I had a Diary/Journal type of thing, and it was blue, Winnie the Pooh themed with a lock. I got it from my grandma, I had practically begged her for one. I used it often. Until my older sister pulled it open. Breaking the lock, and reading it. 

She read about how our father, not to be confused with the man I call dad (my stepfather), favored her and my older brother over me. He favored them because he had a way to bond with them. Drugs. Any weekend when we would go over to his house, he would share weed, nicotine, and sometimes alcohol with my two older siblings. While I was left to my annoying step siblings on his side, and my freshly born baby sister, watching over them, instead of being watched myself. He would take my older siblings shopping with him, roll up with them. While I was left taking all the younger kids across the street to the park. I was told that whatever happened in his house, stayed in his house. 

I didn't have my own room over there, none of us did. Myself, My older sister, older brother, and our stepmom's brother, all lived in the living room.

She read about how I felt as though I was unlucky, because I didn't have a father figure. She read about how much I didn't like my step mom, because she yelled at me instead of her own kids, or my older siblings, or her little brother. Even though I was supposed to be the good kid. My older sister then proceeded to laugh at me after reading it. Laughed at me. A sixth grader, and the spelling mistakes and the emotional maturity of it. I didn't keep a journal after that. Much more, I realized that sharing a room and being a sister, nothing was ever really mine.

 I had shared everything up until that point, and would continue to share.